Based on luke 1:1-25

It just so happened that around the time of Herod, some called him “high-ball Herod” due to his fondness of shine, there was a priest who went by the name of Zechariah.  Now his kin folk went all the way back to Aaron, the brother of Moses, so folks looked at them as bein’ from high-cotton.  He and his better half were straight shooters and finer than a frog’s hair split four ways.  Only one thing cast a shadow on their sunshine, they had no young-uns.  No sir, Ol’ Zach and Lizzy never had no ankle-biters and that was something that always bothered em’ like a cicada singin’ in the summer at night.  Well there twernt nothin to do ‘bout it as Lizzy was as barren as a rain barrel in winter and Zach had seen so many seasons the furrows in his forehead were deep enough to plant turnips.

 

One fine day Zachs number came up and he set out to town to serve as one of the priests at the church.  Now the practice was to all draw straws to see who would go into the heart of the temple and burn some sweet smellin’ incense before the Lord.  The short straw fell to Zach and so he commenced to gettin’ on with the business of burnin’ while a bunch of good folk sat outside prayin’.

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Right while he was strikin’ a match an angel of the Lord made a surprise visit.  The angel stood there plain as day on the right side of the incense alter with Zach holdin’ a burnin’ matchstick in his hand and his mouth so wide open you could drive a mule train through it.  The angel took one look at Zach, blew out the match before it burnt his hand, and said, “Zach ol’ boy, don’t be a fearin’ I’m here to tell you your prayer has been heard and you boy are gonna be a daddy!  Lizzy’s is gonna have a biscuit in the oven and by jiminy it’ll be a boy.  Now a lot a people are gonna be as happy as a pig in a puddle because of your boy and God Himself is gonna be proud as a peacock ‘bout him.  Yessir that curtain climber of yours is gonna grow up to be full of vinegar and save countless folks from perditions oven!  Take care now and make sure he don’t never take any shine or other kind of fermented libations.  The Holy Ghost Himself is gone fill em’ up before he’s even born. He will have the power of Elijah himself and turn the hearts of parentals to their ankle-biters and wicked side-winders to the wisdom of righteousness, all to make ready a barn bustin’ full of people for the Lord!

 

Well, the angel was right excited bout’ all this and expected ta hear shouts of praise and hallelujahs from good ol’ Zach.  He was a mite disappointed when all Zach could muster was, “How do I know this all ain’t nothin’ but whistling in the wind?  Lizzy and me are well on in years and too old for this foolishness.”

 

Now that didn’t sit too well with the angel, no sir!  He held up his hands and said, “Zach you old goat, where are you standin’ right now, ain’t this the temple of the Lord?  And just who do you think I am?  Some kind of carpet bagger out to sell you snake oil?  I’ll tell you straight, I’m Gabriel.  I stand in the very presence of God who done told me to come here and tell you this good news!  Now, since you doubted my words you are gonna hush up and not be able to utter a single syllable, give a grunt or whistle Dixie until Lizzy bears that bouncing baby boy, you hearin’ me? Ol’ Zach tried to answer Gabriel but now that he couldn’t speak a word he just nodded real big like.

 

All this time the folks outside were waiting for Zach and wondering why he was staying so long inside the temple and if something had done gone cattywampus.  When he finally came out, Zach’s throat was so dry he was spittin’ cotton and couldn’t say nary a word.  Eventually, using signs and playing charades, he got the idea across to them that he had seen an angel in a vision.

 

After Zach had done his duty he high tailed it home to Lizzy.  Following Gabriels orders they had relations, cause you can’t get lard unless you boil the hog, and Bimini bam Lizzy was with child! They kept to themselves for five month and Lizzy was happier than a hound dog on a hunt and grinnin’ like a possum eating a sweet potato. “God has done this for me!” She would sing. “He has shined down His favor and done took my shame, buried it deep in the outhouse and set me on top of the world!”